"Four months to go, and counting.
I never thought I'd be leaving this place the way I am, but I suppose it's the only real way to go. I've found myself destitute, malnourished and melancholy in the past year, and I aim to change all of that. I'm not going home because I've given up; I'm looking for the next positive star in this sky. I aim to make things better for me, and for the band, and for my friends. Rochester might seem like a step backwards, but if anything it's the only smart move I can make.
As I sit here typing this, smoking a cigarette that was so cheap I should gag at the taste, all I can think about is the memories I've made on this island. I've befriended so many people that I hope will remember the good times we've had when I've left. The feelings I've had for people, the heartaches I've felt, will all be the past once August comes. Everything I've done for my friends, and everything they've done for me, is going to be nothing more than a memory. I suppose I'm ready to accept that, even if, in some part, I can't help but wonder how many times I'm going to start a new chapter in my life. Every year a new apartment, every few years a new town and a new job. How many times will I recreate Joe Finley? Will I someday be happy with what I have? Will I actually have accomplished something by then? Something I might be able to hold on to, to be proud of? Who knows. I just have to keep moving forward, sure of myself and the decisions [The Departed has] made as a whole. I have something to prove, and I intend on moving forward.
The thing that continues to linger in my thoughts is love. Have I been in love? Absolutely. Have I always admitted it? Maybe not. Has love fleeted me, or have I squashed it? That I'm not sure how to answer. Maybe I pushed the right people away, and quite conversely, maybe I held on to the wrong ones. I know I've broken a heart on this island, and the worst part is it's only going to get worse the day that I leave. Thank god she's finally getting her life in check and living it for her, but realistically? I think I sold myself short, like always, and I settled for being with her indefinitely even when I knew I was the subject of her neurosis. I'm a complicated man, I'll admit, and my lack of confidence was no one's fault but my own, however, I never intended on my complicated emotions to"
And that's how it ends. So anticlimactic. So lame. Hella lame.
I wish I would've updated/completed this entry, because it was going to be a doozie. I was going to do a lot of thanking and talk about the past and the future, etc. Also, it sucks that I stopped there because I won't be updating this again. I know, sad face; I'm sure no one is ever really going to read this, lol. I'll update my profile to show my current links, and I'll login every once and a while to hold on to this link to the past. If anyone from the old glory days of lj does read this, I hope you're doing well and that our paths may cross again, if only on the interwebs. As a bonus I'll remove privacy tags for everything down to friend level so there ya go. I know it's not much. Thanks for all of the emo memories, lj. Toodles.
-Joseph Ryan Finley
edit: I just now realized I can have my public twitter post here so I'll be doing that.
Tags: farewell, it's been real, moving on
Current Location: United States, New York, Rochester
Current Amount of Rage: thankful
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